Mojave Flick Review: Colombiana

Editor’s note: We all love movies, but rather than ask a syndicated columnist who has never visited our beautiful High Desert, we commissioned our own local movie critic: Nolan P. Smith to review films and give us a local perspective. Enjoy!

Miguel Gonzalez

Editor.

By Nolan Patrick Smith

High Desert Daily

(Victorville)—Revenge action flicks: one of the sure fire hits at the box office. It’s the basic story to films like the Batman franchise, the Punisher franchise, as well as other similar themed films: person suffers immeasurable loss from a tragedy, they go on a blazing trail of vengeance. That’s the basis of Colombiana as well, but how does it stack up?

With the film written by the same team that brought the world the action blockbuster, Taken, expectations were high for this.  Zoe Saldana (Star Trek, The Losers, Avatar) takes the reigns as Cateleya, ready to kick butt and take names. Unfortunately, Saldana’s appearance is the only thing that shines in an otherwise dull, brain numbing film. It seems that since the film got Saldana, they had to find C and D grade level actors for the rest of the film. From the villains that evoke no fear to cops that go way over the top (and not in a good way), the supporting actors give no support at all. Not to mention the protagonist’s boyfriend who leaves no lasting impression or even gives a reason for being in the film at all.

Not that a cast full of all stars would have helped, as the writing for the film is so horrendous that the script feels like it’s on life support the entire time. Dialogue feels awkward and out of place, and the deaths done in the name of revenge have no impact, leaving the audience to wonder, “Why did she kill this guy again?”  Right from the start, when a young Cateleya tells her uncle what she wants to do with her life, which is downright laughable, I knew this film was going to be a bear to get through, and I was right. But wait, what about the action? That makes it worth it, right?

Sorry, but no saving grace there, either. Many of the action sequences are done via firearms, which aren’t bad, but at the same time aren’t very memorable. The big fight scene at the end has the impact of a pillow fight, and that’s from both parties involved, male and female. I felt bad for the movie, as it seemed to get worse and worse as the time progressed. Many “huh?” moments are riddled throughout the movie, like the revelation from a police station mail clerk which was out of left field.

I really wanted to like this film, as I didn’t care that it was done using a tried and true plot. Yet, the execution throughout the film was horrid, making what may have been an enjoyable second-rate action flick into one of the worst films of the year.

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